I Want Him

So I was at church last week and we had this amazing speaker! He was telling the story of Jesus speaking in a crowd of people. Then, all of a sudden this man starts screaming out loud, completely interrupting the atmosphere. Of course everyone around him tells him to shut up. This man was desperate. As well as brave, to call out to Jesus with no shame in his inconvenience. Jesus hears the man and calls him forward. He asked the man "what do you want?" In faith the man responds "I want to see." He was blind. Jesus, moved in compassion, then heals the man. I love this!! Imagine being able to see for the first time. It blows my mind. Anyways, the point of the story was for us to put ourselves in this mans positions. If Jesus was to ask us "what do you want" what would we say. Right there, in the middle of church, tears just flowed from my eyes. I told Jesus that it was Him. I WANT HIM!! At that moment I didn't care about answers. Even though my life has been one big question mark lol. I didn't care about future relationships with a certain someone. Even though I really like this guy. I didn't care about money, inspite the fact i have very little of it. None of those things matter. I would give it all up to be closer to HIM. To be consumed in His presence. Honestly, that's where i find the most joy! God used this speaker to put a lot of things in perspective. I'm that blind man. I cant see whats up ahead, but in faith I told God to give me more of Him. Because that's what I want and He is just what I need to get where I'm going.

"Desert"

You know, I never could find the beauty in a desert. You have to admit it falls short in comparison to a nice cool day at the beach. But now, i can say that im discovering its beauty. Its in the desert that i am thristy and most unsatisfied with my surroundings.. which in return creates a yearning for more of Him. It causes me to reconize my need for God and all that He is. I love the desert!! But then again.. i have to admit that my desert is quit differant from most. My life should be a walk in the beach...i mean its not like im depressed and can't feel God. Its actually the opposite, i have a lot of joy in my heart and being home has been wonderful!! Ive been totally saturated in Gods presence and everyday see evidence of his love. Its the unknown that has left me feeling a little dry. I know without a hint of doubt that God has amazing plans for me, and that i have a calling to do the extrodinary. Now, if i could just find the path that leads torward it i would be all set. But then i was also thinking how excited i should be. God has a Great plan for me!!! For all of us! And even if im unsure what that plan is, thats okay because its in the making and in His hands. In His hands, wow! there is no better place for my life then with my creator. I trust Him! Which is why i let go of all my doubt and fears and instead took hold of his promises and faithfulness!! I wanted to share this with anyone else who's brain works in the same crazy way that mine does:)lol...For anyone who is feeling a bit dry...i hope this will be few rain drops of encouragment!!

Wait?

Man what a day...thats what it feels like anyway... Its actually only noon...but i was thinking, which often gets me in trouble, about all the questions overwelming my head at the moment...and Gods simple yet frustating answer "wait"...what am i supposed to do with that?! I feel as though my life is scattered in a thousand differant pieces and i cant figure out how connect them back together again..."wait" what does that even mean...and how long...i want to know what, where, when, how....now!! Hopefully one day i will look back at this and laugh...laugh at all the wonderful things God did in my life that i am now unaware of...but until then i will be here waiting!